So a couple of years ago, I read in an interview I think, I forget the details, where Aishwarya Rai, one of the leading movie stars of Bollywood and also named as one of the most beautiful women in the world at the time, told a reporter there are days when even she wakes up and feels…unpretty. I had to read the sentence twice. Really? The media wasn’t kidding — Aishwarya Rai is gorgeous whichever standard of beauty she’s measured by. How was it possible for someone who looked like her to ever feel anything other than confident and fabulous?
Turns out, lots of women who look like her because Deepika Padukone, also a beautiful Bollywood movie star, said a similar thing a few years later. And I know it’s been talked about extensively but it still blows my mind that successful, talented women who are on the covers of everything and monster billboards everywhere, selling an ideal to millions of people of what to aspire to can also feel…just like the rest of us?
I have been awkward ALL my life. You don’t have to brace for a sob story, it’s not coming. It just is what it is and I’m at a point where I’m more comfortable with saying that out loud. Because being awkward isn’t a crime. I have been awkward in rooms I didn’t want to be awkward in, around people I didn’t want to be awkward around. I haven’t been ALL awkward. There’ve been plenty of times I’ve been cool and smooth and all those good things too. But I’ve definitely been more awkward. Putting together the right “look” through a combination of the right outfit + makeup + hair is sometimes more complicated than algebra, I’ve had some unfortunate haircuts and lately I’ve had a pretty bad spell of acne which I’ve only just managed to get under control. But it’s a constant work in progress.
What’s helped? Laying off the sugar, which I discovered through a combination of elimination/trial and error/mostly accidentally. I still eat it. Just much less of it. And it’s doing a world of good to my skin. I also follow beauty guru Komal Basith* on Instagram and when I’m not distracted by what her cute babies are doing, I’ve found some of her skincare tips super useful. Like using a salicylic face wash (I’m using this one by Neutrogena) followed by moisturiser (this one) and a Vitamin C serum (this one), once a day, while or just after I shower on most days. I used a different salicylic face wash a few years ago but this one is working really well at the moment. And I’d never used Vit C serum before but it’s a total game changer and also smells lovely. Komal also recommends using a tiny amount of face oil which she says has been one of the biggest additions to her care routine across about a year, which among other changes she’s made, has helped her skin get to a point where she’s finally comfortable to go without foundation. That’s where I want to get to and I’m hoping 2021 is the year it happens. I’ve never really liked foundation.
I’m also continuing with using a thin layer of aloe vera gel on my face — a tip I picked up from one of my favourite fashionistas: Victoria Beckham — because it’s been an easy way to manage my skin. I gave it up for a few months and it was complete chaos. Victoria also says drink loads of natural coconut water in hot weather and turn the cold water on right after a hot shower to do wonders to your pores but I still haven’t worked up the courage to try the second. I grew up, like many many generations of women before me, with glossy magazines and cosmetic brands “shaming” young women for not having clear, blemish-free skin. So it’s such a breath of fresh air when major Instagram influencers like Diipa Khosla are open about when their radiant skin wasn’t always like that not so long ago.
But neither I nor Komal nor Victoria or Diipa are doctors nor claim to be and if you have a serious skin condition that needs attention, go to a dermatologist. Also, something that works for one person might not for someone else because just like our bodies, everyone’s skin is different. Might I point you to my friend who is an excellent dermatologist. Dr. Anjali Pal who’s on Instagram and just a total babe knows about all things skin and what lurks just beneath the surface.
Which brings me back to my original point that even the most perfect looking women deal with moments of crippling body issues which might seem strange to everyone but so real to you and while there’s no judgement to feeling what you’re feeling, there’s also help just around the corner. Sometimes, it’s about knowing where to look, sometimes it’s knowing whom to ask and most times, it’s a combination of both. It’s also helpful to know you’re not alone.
I’ve been awkward, still have many days I feel so awkward I’m mousey and want to cling to the walls. But sorting out my acne has made a huge difference to this and I hope you find what you need to banish the awkward from your life. Because let’s face it, there’s so much awesome hiding in each one of us it would be a shame for it to be dimmed even the tiniest bit by something as ridiculous as a zit.
xx
AA
*I’m going to create a separate Resources page where I’ll link useful people/things/places I mention in posts for easy access.