If I can cook/need to cook, do I have to like it too?
Growing up, my mom would tell me to learn to cook. And I would always refuse. I was a teenager, more interested in fashion, music and boys and cooking was something that girls who wanted to get married did. That was not the life for me, I’d tell myself.
Within the South Asian community, cooking is often such a domestic activity, something that all “good” girls are expected to learn so they can keep a husband and feed a family in a few years, which is such flawed thinking because cooking is an essential life saving skill. And given how it’s introduced to young girls, refusing to learn how to cook is an act of rebellion.
Turns out, I’m not the only one.
Just a few days ago, wildly successful Indian blogger, Malini Agarwal posted this on Instagram. And it highlighted a very real problem.
All women need to learn how to cook to feed themselves and this is what needs to be the priority. Not to cook for a husband or feed fictional children in the future. But to become self-sufficient adults. When the pandemic hit last year, I was so grateful I had written down recipes to some of my mother’s cooking because in the uncertainty that was the world, at the time, and so many miles from home, cooking calmed me. It gave me something to do with my hands. It let me feel like I could create something from scratch. I found great peace in measuring spices and oil, playing with ingredients, until I created either something delicious or familiar or hearty or comforting where previously there was nothing. And it made me feel strong, powerful, reassured.
This is what all young girls and women can experience through cooking which is why it’s such a disservice when it’s twisted into a pre-qualifying criteria in a misogynistic marriage market.
In Women Wins this Week
Gorgeous Poorna Bell posted this on Instagram. Read every word of the caption and think about what a large and unnecessary problem this is.
I recently heard White Woman’s Instagram and I’m still so divided about whether I should be offended or in awe of Bo Burnham’s genius or think the whole thing is plain hilarious. Here’s one way of looking at it although I don’t entirely agree. I don’t know if I’m annoyed about another male comedian making fun of women or angered that this humour becomes so famous which creates a demand in the first place. But I also can’t deny the guy is whip-smart.
Pay attention to the lyrics.
This isn’t a win but it deserved mention.
It’s Olympic season and so much heartwarming news to celebrate. Saikhom Mirabai Chanu won a silver medal for India for weightlifting. But does she know what a difference she’s made to this little girl?
Siobhan Haughey won Hong Kong its first Olympic medal (silver) in swimming.
Here’s the German gymnastics team breaking convention and wearing what they please in solidarity with women everywhere to do similarly.
Some of the best reading I’ve come across in a while: Dina Asher-Smith on a healthy body image which is essential reading for all women and this piece about the rise of Raheem Sterling who started out as just a regular kid.
You must have heard by now about Simone Biles pulling out of the Olympics for mental health reasons. But not before she made history.
This NYT story really made me sit up. Hard core much? But it was this quote that is the show stealer:
“I understood from when I was young that sport is a luxury,” she said. “To be able to pursue your dream is a luxury. And therefore, if you can, then you must.”
Or this one. It’s so hard to choose.
“On hindsight, it was me not wanting my lack of resources earlier in life to permanently determine what I could do,” she said. “Even when we don’t have a good start, we can always aim to finish strong.”
I still don’t like cooking. I’d much rather someone cook me delicious food. I’m in awe of friends who can bring complex flavours and techniques together and make them sing. But for now, I’m learning to cook enough to feed myself. And it’s about time cooking is seen for what it is which is like learning how to swim or drive or change a tyre — something that can come in handy when you most need it which has nothing to do with impressing a boy.
xx
AA